CANADIAN PIZZA CRIME FINALLY SOLVED

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That evening someone knocked on my hotel room door. When I opened the door, I immediately recognized the face. Even though he looked a lot older I recognized him as Phillip, from Southpark’s Terrence and Phillip. He had heard I was looking for Hawaiian Sam and wanted to talk to me about it. The next day I went to see them. It was a mystery to me why they wanted to meet me but I wouldn’t miss meeting the famous Terrance and Phillip. After some small talk and some tea with Maple syrup Terrence suddenly got really serious and said in a trembling voice; “we are the ones responsible for the Hawaiian pizza. We were on holiday in Hawaii and shit faced drunk when we dumped some canned pineapple on a pizza. At the time we thought it was hilarious but soon we realized what we had done. When we sobered up we promised each other never to talk about this and keep it quiet. The first few years we managed to escape scrutiny but when the internet took off there were more and more rumors about our involvement. We then found this Greek immigrant Sam who was struggling financially. We promised him 33.000 CAD if he could manage to become known as the inventor of the Hawaiian pizza. I didn’t think it would work but to his credit he did a damn fine job and we paid him the money in full, God rest his soul. But we feel remorse and shame now. His family has to live with the burden of the Hawaiian pizza and I think it is not fair. We are getting on in our years now and we want to do the right thing before we pass on. I hereby apologize to all of humanity for what we did, but especially to the Italians. They worked on their pizza culture for hundreds of years and we damn near destroyed it with one tasteless joke.” When I said goodbye to Terrance and Phillip I could see the relief in them. They had carried this dark secret for so long and finally came clean. A few days later when I was already back in Chiang Mai I got an email from Terrance with his attempt at redemption.